Red Dwarf is better than 90% of the crap we have on network Tv here: Dancing with the stars, knitting with the stars, napping with the stars, etc... I really wish we could get the 8th season but it is no longer on. Last episode I saw was the season ending cliff hanger when Rimmer kicked death in the nuts.
I love the show but I will admit that it took me a few episodes to understand anything that Lister said. I had the same problem with the Hitchhikers guide when it was on too.
As for British kids taking like they are American blacks, we have that problem here too. Most blacks don't even talk like that and think that those who do are low class. Nothing worse than Trevor from suburbia trying to cat ghetto. He would not last 5 minutes in the real ghetto so in a sence he is insulting the people he is trying to emulate.
You can mark the decline of Western civilization in 1985 when Run DMC did a duet with Aerosmith and rap became accepted in middle class society. It has been downhill ever since. [:(][:-]
OT- Ha !
Moderators: Joel Billings, wdolson, Don Bowen, mogami
RE: OT- Ha !
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits"- Darwin Awards 2003
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke
[img]https://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfi ... EDB99F.jpg[/img]
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke
[img]https://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfi ... EDB99F.jpg[/img]
RE: OT- Ha !
A mix of the rebuttles. I had to add #13 since I hate the show.
The Supreme Court of Florida has instructed me to post the following to ensure strict balance in these turbulent times.
DECLARATION OF ANNEXING THE BRITISH ISLES AS PART OF THE USA
To the imperialist British colonizers.
In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency, your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a State of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal districts. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London. Princess Diana will be declared a saint. You have already assimilated so much American culture that you are unlikely to notice the transition. To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to your idiosyncratic and illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place. You will quit using words such as "fortnight". The correct term is "a two week period". You will learn words such as "credenza", "intern" and "chad".
2. There is no such thing as "UK English". UK English is the relic of a defunct colonialist power which attempted to impose British English linguistic superiority on a nation which has a higher number of English speakers.
3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents. American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York accents. Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs must use American vocabulary and accents; Scotch characters will wear plaid, Irish characters will have shamrocks on them, Welsh characters will not be used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear bowler hats and pinstripes.
4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood will continue to use "Mockney" and "Posh" British accents as this makes it easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. All American characters should be 'good guys'.
5. You will learn your new national anthem "The Star Spangled Banner". It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and your places of work. Your Union Flag will be hung up any damn way we wish so stop bitching about it being upside down. If there was meant to be a right way up you should have made it simpler. All Union flags will be replaced by the Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of time.
6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby. There is no need to have two games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is called football but patently isn't real football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds of padding, it isn't football. You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the rules. If you insist on playing this game which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to make it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be declared a draw.
7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using the word "cinema". They are "movie theaters". The snippets of forthcoming films are not "trailers" they are "teasers".
8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament. You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there. Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns and ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as "caravanning". It is properly called "camping". The thing boy scouts do with tents and bedrolls is called "tenting".
9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas.
10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold. The warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans.
11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children after interesting medical conditions.
12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living creature within a mile radius (hunting).
13. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".
Thank you for your co-operation. You will be assimilated.
The Supreme Court of Florida has instructed me to post the following to ensure strict balance in these turbulent times.
DECLARATION OF ANNEXING THE BRITISH ISLES AS PART OF THE USA
To the imperialist British colonizers.
In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency, your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a State of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal districts. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London. Princess Diana will be declared a saint. You have already assimilated so much American culture that you are unlikely to notice the transition. To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to your idiosyncratic and illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place. You will quit using words such as "fortnight". The correct term is "a two week period". You will learn words such as "credenza", "intern" and "chad".
2. There is no such thing as "UK English". UK English is the relic of a defunct colonialist power which attempted to impose British English linguistic superiority on a nation which has a higher number of English speakers.
3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents. American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York accents. Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs must use American vocabulary and accents; Scotch characters will wear plaid, Irish characters will have shamrocks on them, Welsh characters will not be used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear bowler hats and pinstripes.
4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood will continue to use "Mockney" and "Posh" British accents as this makes it easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. All American characters should be 'good guys'.
5. You will learn your new national anthem "The Star Spangled Banner". It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and your places of work. Your Union Flag will be hung up any damn way we wish so stop bitching about it being upside down. If there was meant to be a right way up you should have made it simpler. All Union flags will be replaced by the Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of time.
6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby. There is no need to have two games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is called football but patently isn't real football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds of padding, it isn't football. You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the rules. If you insist on playing this game which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to make it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be declared a draw.
7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using the word "cinema". They are "movie theaters". The snippets of forthcoming films are not "trailers" they are "teasers".
8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament. You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there. Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns and ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as "caravanning". It is properly called "camping". The thing boy scouts do with tents and bedrolls is called "tenting".
9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas.
10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold. The warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans.
11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children after interesting medical conditions.
12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living creature within a mile radius (hunting).
13. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".
Thank you for your co-operation. You will be assimilated.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits"- Darwin Awards 2003
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke
[img]https://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfi ... EDB99F.jpg[/img]
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke
[img]https://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfi ... EDB99F.jpg[/img]
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niceguy2005
- Posts: 12522
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:53 pm
- Location: Super secret hidden base
RE: OT- Ha !
[:D]ORIGINAL: RUPD3658
13. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".
Artwork graciously provided by Dixie
RE: OT- Ha !
[:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(]
Lucky for you, tonight it's just me
Any ship can be a minesweeper..once !!
http://suspenseandmystery.blogspot.com/
Any ship can be a minesweeper..once !!
http://suspenseandmystery.blogspot.com/
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captskillet
- Posts: 2493
- Joined: Fri Feb 28, 2003 10:21 pm
- Location: Louisiana & the 2007 Nat Champ LSU Fightin' Tigers
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wild_Willie2
- Posts: 2934
- Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 10:33 am
- Location: Arnhem (holland) yes a bridge to far...
RE: OT- Ha !
nice one [:D][:D]
In vinum illic est sapientia , in matera illic est vires , in aqua illic es bacteria.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there are bacteria.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there are bacteria.
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Onime No Kyo
- Posts: 16846
- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:55 am
RE: OT- Ha !
This stuff is great. RUPD, the rebuttal is absolutely classic. [:D]
"Mighty is the Thread! Great are its works and insane are its inhabitants!" -Brother Mynok
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Onime No Kyo
- Posts: 16846
- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:55 am
RE: OT- Ha !
There is supposedly something like this from the Canadians, delivered by Collin Mochrie. I've heard about it but never seen it. Anyone know what I'm talking about?
"Mighty is the Thread! Great are its works and insane are its inhabitants!" -Brother Mynok
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grraven2004
- Posts: 272
- Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 7:14 pm
- Location: Cuyahoga Falls OH
RE: OT- Ha !
and Anyway .. as well ALL know Texas has the biggest of everything , so can't compete there [:'(]
Did you hear they were going to split Alaska up into 4 different states?
Reason was they wanted to make Texas the FIFTH largest state in the union [:D][:D][:D]
Human by birth
Klingon By choice!
Sig changed per Erik's request
Klingon By choice!
Sig changed per Erik's request
RE: OT- Ha !
This is like a probationary period during which you must show that you are willing to fully accept American culture.
They're already well being well assimilated... they do have Starbucks and McDonald's. It will be complete when they start serving tacos and nachos in the pubs...
Chez
Ret Navy AWCS (1972-1998)
VP-5, Jacksonville, Fl 1973-78
ASW Ops Center, Rota, Spain 1978-81
VP-40, Mt View, Ca 1981-87
Patrol Wing 10, Mt View, CA 1987-90
ASW Ops Center, Adak, Ak 1990-92
NRD Seattle 1992-96
VP-46, Whidbey Isl, Wa 1996-98
VP-5, Jacksonville, Fl 1973-78
ASW Ops Center, Rota, Spain 1978-81
VP-40, Mt View, Ca 1981-87
Patrol Wing 10, Mt View, CA 1987-90
ASW Ops Center, Adak, Ak 1990-92
NRD Seattle 1992-96
VP-46, Whidbey Isl, Wa 1996-98
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Onime No Kyo
- Posts: 16846
- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:55 am
RE: OT- Ha !
ORIGINAL: Rob Brennan UK
You mean we aren't the 51st state already ?..
1) Already the number of lawyers and personal injury claims are rising to yankee levels.
2) Mr Blair is a Gdubya lacky/fanboy
3) MacDonalds
4) The kids here have black american accents ( even the white/asian/indian subcontinent ones)
5) Rap .. (silent C not included)
6) The popularity of friends and frazier
etc.
OK, this I have to respond to. [:-]
1) Perhaps. But it has to look a lot funnier with all those guys in white wigs running around.
2) So whats the deal with you guys not being able to put a competent party in office. You keep this up and we'll have France annex you. [:-]
3) The word is McDonalds...EMM, SEE.....MacDonald is at best the old guy who had a farm and at worst one of your silly PMs whom unlike American presidents nobody remembers. [:'(]
4) Its called ebonics. Get with the program. http://joel.net/EBONICS/translator.asp
5) Thats because your music sucks. If Rule Britania, Spice Girls and James Blunt is the best you've been able to come up with in almost a 1000 years since the Norman invasion, you diserve every one of the fifty pennies we care to send you.
6) Consider that a warning. We could do much worse. [:-] If you keep being all British and stuff, we'll hit you with the OC daytime soaps.
"Mighty is the Thread! Great are its works and insane are its inhabitants!" -Brother Mynok
RE: OT- Ha !
Hey, Teletubbies is great!
McDonalds food is better than the food in London restaurants.[:D]
McDonalds food is better than the food in London restaurants.[:D]
Quote from Snigbert -
"If you mess with the historical accuracy, you're going to have ahistorical outcomes."
"I'll say it again for Sonny's sake: If you mess with historical accuracy, you're going to have
ahistorical outcomes. "
"If you mess with the historical accuracy, you're going to have ahistorical outcomes."
"I'll say it again for Sonny's sake: If you mess with historical accuracy, you're going to have
ahistorical outcomes. "
RE: OT- Ha !
ORIGINAL: Sonny
Hey, Teletubbies is great!
If you are stoned! The only show worse (and I think it is British too) is Boobah.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits"- Darwin Awards 2003
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke
[img]https://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfi ... EDB99F.jpg[/img]
"No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshall Helmuth von Moltke
[img]https://www.matrixgames.com/forums/upfi ... EDB99F.jpg[/img]
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Onime No Kyo
- Posts: 16846
- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:55 am
RE: OT- Ha !
ORIGINAL: juliet7bravo
"the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders"
Why should we be aware of the rest of the world? It's got almost as many furriners as New York City. Ick! Besides, at the rate American culture is subsuming the rest of the worlds, it'll all soon be just like a suburb of Cleveland. We can wait. Maybe we'll keep some theme parks to preserve local culture, you know..."England World" for example. Complete with bad food, lousy weather, rude people, and untranslatable speech. No wait...bad example. England's already just like Cleveland.
Or maybe nature preserves would be a better idea; "Don't leave the road, keep your windows rolled up at all times, and PLUH-LEEEEZE DO NOT feed the locals!".
The trouble is who wants to live in a suburb of Cleveland.
"Mighty is the Thread! Great are its works and insane are its inhabitants!" -Brother Mynok
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Onime No Kyo
- Posts: 16846
- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:55 am
RE: OT- Ha !
ORIGINAL: RUPD3658
If you are stoned! The only show worse (and I think it is British too) is Boobah.
Your knowledge of this is slightly disturbing. [;)]
"Mighty is the Thread! Great are its works and insane are its inhabitants!" -Brother Mynok
RE: OT- Ha !
ORIGINAL: Rob Brennan UK
LOL .. ok i concede [:'(]. and don;t forget Shakespear came from Galveston , RevRic maybe an ancestor of yours [;)]
ORIGINAL: niceguy2005
Shakespear is from Galveston??? [&:]
Bubba Shakespear who is probably in one of those Darwin Award e-mails going around the net. Will Shakespeare is a tad more famous and no relation (except possibly illegitimately). [;)]
Bill
SCW Development Team
RE: OT- Ha !
ORIGINAL: RUPD3658
Red Dwarf is better than 90% of the crap we have on network Tv here: Dancing with the stars, knitting with the stars, napping with the stars, etc... I really wish we could get the 8th season but it is no longer on. Last episode I saw was the season ending cliff hanger when Rimmer kicked death in the nuts.
I love the show but I will admit that it took me a few episodes to understand anything that Lister said. I had the same problem with the Hitchhikers guide when it was on too.
A friend of mine recently moved here from England (he lived in Petersburough, which sounds like a dump). we've been comparing what gets exported from our respective countries. The stuff that makes it to the US from England is more higher quality stuff than dreck (though we did get things like the Spice Girls). American PBS is the cream of the crop of BBC. From what I hear, what's really on BBC is just as poor a mix as you get on American TV. Some great shows and a lot of junk.
What the US exported is some of the worst of American culture (IMO). American food around the world is seen as McDonalds and Starbucks. Some of the regional cuisines you get in real restaurants (or make at home) is quite tasty and nutritious, but the world never sees that.
What are the most popular American programs in the 3rd world? Baywatch and Dallas. Those people are getting some really screwed up views of what Americans are really like. I have a friend who did a lot of business in Egypt and she said that even well educated Egyptians who had never been to the US assumed the US was like those shows. She thinks that some of the problems with rising fundamentalism in the Middle East is fueled by these programs, which outrage the more conservative Muslims. (She doesn't believe that it is at the root, but is a contributing factor. They make a convenient straw man for the Mullahs to attack.)
You can mark the decline of Western civilization in 1985 when Run DMC did a duet with Aerosmith and rap became accepted in middle class society. It has been downhill ever since. [:(][:-]
One e-mail list I'm on has a word for the feeling I get when I see that: dumbcills. Makes you squirm and you want to scream "make it stop! Please!"
Bill
SCW Development Team
RE: OT- Ha !
What are the most popular American programs in the 3rd world? Baywatch and Dallas.
Bill
Bring back the Hoff ! [:D] IIRC that was one export from the US to Germany that did rather well. These Germans have strange tastes
Never argue with an idiot, he will only drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
RE: OT- Ha !
True. But as wdolson already pointed out: Germany isn't the only third-world country that likes Baywatch and Dallas. [;)]ORIGINAL: Raverdave
What are the most popular American programs in the 3rd world? Baywatch and Dallas.
Bill
Bring back the Hoff ! [:D] IIRC that was one export from the US to Germany that did rather well. These Germans have strange tastes
