Surrender and avoid further bloodshed. I understand the need for honor, so your Oberst will not be blindfolded when we shoot him.
Goblin- A Goblin is empathic:)
Bernie vs. Goblin Continuous Report
Moderator: MOD_SPWaW
Bernies right about the Visibility, it blows (too much smoke everywhere). Got two Mobelwagons in the center (near the flaming wreck of my M10). I simply MUST find their hatchery and smash those eggs!;) Killed mainly vehicle crews this time. There seems to be an increasing number of them all over the field.
Surrender and avoid further bloodshed. I understand the need for honor, so your Oberst will not be blindfolded when we shoot him.
Goblin- A Goblin is empathic:)
Surrender and avoid further bloodshed. I understand the need for honor, so your Oberst will not be blindfolded when we shoot him.
Goblin- A Goblin is empathic:)
Bernie vs Goblin (the Musical)
Bernies song
A Flamethrower is not a Toy (stolen from 'How to Succeed in busisness without really trying' A secretary is not a toy')
Bernie:
Soldaten. Soldaten.
A flamethrower is not a toy,
No, my boy, not a toy
To fondle and dandle and playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy.
Nein, a flamethrower is not,
Definitely not, a toy.
Soldaten:
You're absolutely right, Oberst Bernie.
We wouldn't have it any other way, Oberst Bernie.
It's a company rule, Oberst Bernie.
Bernie:
A flamethrower is not a toy,
No, my boy, not a toy.
So do not go jumping for joy, boy.
A flamethrower is not . . .
A flamethrower is not . . .
A flamethrower is not a toy.
A flamethrower is not to be
Used for play therapy.
Be good to the weapon you employ, boy.
Remember no matter what
Neurotic trouble you've got
A flamethrower is not a toy.
It's a highly specialized key component
Of operational unity,
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the military community.
With the squad of engineers it supports;
And you'll find nothing like a Flammespritzring Schwarz.
A flamethrower is not a pet
Nor an e-rector set.
It happened to Hans remember, boy:
They fired him like a shot
The day that fellow forgot
A flamethrower is not a toy.
A flamethrower is not a toy.
And when you put one to use . . .
Observe when you put one to use . . .
That you don't find the name "Goblin"
On her caboose.
A flamethrower is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string.
The tank is to carry fuel in
And not spend the nacht in.
If that's what you plan to enjoy.
Nein!!
The flamethrower ya got,
Is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte,
Or you know what.
Before you jump for joy,
Remember this, my boy,
A flamethrower is not
A tinkertoy!
A Flamethrower is not a Toy (stolen from 'How to Succeed in busisness without really trying' A secretary is not a toy')
Bernie:
Soldaten. Soldaten.
A flamethrower is not a toy,
No, my boy, not a toy
To fondle and dandle and playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy.
Nein, a flamethrower is not,
Definitely not, a toy.
Soldaten:
You're absolutely right, Oberst Bernie.
We wouldn't have it any other way, Oberst Bernie.
It's a company rule, Oberst Bernie.
Bernie:
A flamethrower is not a toy,
No, my boy, not a toy.
So do not go jumping for joy, boy.
A flamethrower is not . . .
A flamethrower is not . . .
A flamethrower is not a toy.
A flamethrower is not to be
Used for play therapy.
Be good to the weapon you employ, boy.
Remember no matter what
Neurotic trouble you've got
A flamethrower is not a toy.
It's a highly specialized key component
Of operational unity,
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the military community.
With the squad of engineers it supports;
And you'll find nothing like a Flammespritzring Schwarz.
A flamethrower is not a pet
Nor an e-rector set.
It happened to Hans remember, boy:
They fired him like a shot
The day that fellow forgot
A flamethrower is not a toy.
A flamethrower is not a toy.
And when you put one to use . . .
Observe when you put one to use . . .
That you don't find the name "Goblin"
On her caboose.
A flamethrower is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string.
The tank is to carry fuel in
And not spend the nacht in.
If that's what you plan to enjoy.
Nein!!
The flamethrower ya got,
Is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte,
Or you know what.
Before you jump for joy,
Remember this, my boy,
A flamethrower is not
A tinkertoy!
I'm not retreating, I'm attacking in a different direction!
Well, another round of "Chase The Rangers" in the rear areas...getting a might bit tired of that. I think it's time for some artillery there.
Speaking of artillery, I have a Jagdpather crew with splitting headaches from 155mm arty all around them. They're in good spirits though because they have a M10 in their sights and ready to perforate.
On the northern flank, artillery is again making itself felt as a squad of US Airborne troops and a .30 cal crew found out.
One of the more amazing stories of the battle, a 57mm ATG crew out in that lunar landscape that used to be an orchard is not only still there, they claimed a Moebelwagen. Simply amazing! How deeply DID you entrench them Goblin? Halfway to China?
Speaking of artillery, I have a Jagdpather crew with splitting headaches from 155mm arty all around them. They're in good spirits though because they have a M10 in their sights and ready to perforate.
On the northern flank, artillery is again making itself felt as a squad of US Airborne troops and a .30 cal crew found out.
One of the more amazing stories of the battle, a 57mm ATG crew out in that lunar landscape that used to be an orchard is not only still there, they claimed a Moebelwagen. Simply amazing! How deeply DID you entrench them Goblin? Halfway to China?
What, me worry?
Finally got one, fair and square
Most of my AT crews ran from their guns a long time ago. This crew actually have their diplomas, and realized that you don't run from the only real weapon you have! I finally got a Kitty Rug. Panther A on the north flank. Got him from a hill top with an M10. Granted, it was a TOP hit, but I got him. That JagdPanther crew had better have some Extra Strength SturmTylenol, cause its coming again, baby! Rangers? I cannot comment on the use of Spec Ops in infiltration roles.
I CAN'T MOVE ANY OF MY INFANTRY!!!! AAARRRGGGH! Stop the shelling..SOB! SOB, I can't take it anymore. SOB. WEEP.
Goblin- A Goblin is shell-shocked
I CAN'T MOVE ANY OF MY INFANTRY!!!! AAARRRGGGH! Stop the shelling..SOB! SOB, I can't take it anymore. SOB. WEEP. Goblin- A Goblin is shell-shocked
Now in a shoot out with a Jagdpanther in the center, two M10s on him. On the north flank, I lost a Wolverine to a hidden halftrack (251/10), side hit at 100m. I pulled another M10 into the trees right next to him and BLAMMO! He hit me, and my wimp a$$ crew bailed! TWO M10s to a halftrack!:mad: On our southern flank, I pulled an M10 up and was missed by a Panther A. I popped him, wounding him, but was close assaulted by Bernies immobilized MC platoon. They got me.
Wounded two cats, lost 3 Wolverines(and not even to the Cats). Not good at all. A coupla FJ's got paid back though! Still not a good round.
Goblin- A Goblin is distressed
On our southern flank, I pulled an M10 up and was missed by a Panther A. I popped him, wounding him, but was close assaulted by Bernies immobilized MC platoon. They got me. Wounded two cats, lost 3 Wolverines(and not even to the Cats). Not good at all. A coupla FJ's got paid back though! Still not a good round. Goblin- A Goblin is distressed
Not to rub salt in your wounds (grindgrindgrind) but it was a 251/9, not a 251/10...bigger bore, less penetration (why do I suddenly have an urge to talk like Dr. Ruth?)... To take out a tank with one of those is an accomplishment. To take out two tanks is amazing...to take out THREE (same crew took out one earlier), well that's just heroism on the grand scale. The crew will be rewarded with Knight's Crosses...posthumously... Sadly, an errant 60mm mortar round (you aren't actually aiming those at us, are you? that's the first one to do any damage...) took the crew in mid-celebration. By the way, thank you for waking up that MC squad for me.... They're the ones I told you about who found a still back in the woods and wouldn't respond to the radio or any orders, though their suppression I think was in the negative numbers from all the booze they drank. They're once again responding to orders now and have reported back to HQ that what actually happened was your tank ran over the still, causing it to rupture and spill 2,000 liters of what they call "jet fuel" into the fire it was cooking on and, well... My guys claim they were, ahem...resting (passed out drunk) at the time and never heard anything until the ammo in the tank started cooking off.Originally posted by Goblin
Now in a shoot out with a Jagdpanther in the center, two M10s on him. On the north flank, I lost a Wolverine to a hidden halftrack (251/10), side hit at 100m. I pulled another M10 into the trees right next to him and BLAMMO! He hit me, and my wimp a$$ crew bailed! TWO M10s to a halftrack!:mad:
Goblin- A Goblin is distressed
In center stage, the two M10's you so nicely left for my Jagdpanther to finish off were instead finished off by your own 155mm salvo you had aimed at the Jag....KIDDING!
Nah, the Jag killed them both of with an assist from his partner and cleanup efforts on the crew by a Moebelwagen. (Note to self: breed more Moebelwagens, 2 or 3 dozen)
Winding up, we entered another period of steel rain, and some poor squad on the west slope of the little hill lost a few troops.
What, me worry?
The HEAT rnd for the 75mm on those halftracks is pretty powerful. I got a Flammpanzer III earlier with my 60mms too. Proof that I am, indeed, aiming them (those that are alive). I killed a Mobelwagon near the villa, plus a SP Mortar on a little hill behind it. They were under armored for the tank duel that I invited them to play in! 
I hit that darn Jagdpanther several more times, to no effect. The crew must think they are in church with a giant bell going off. BONG BONG BONG. I killed the lead Panther A along the south road, but ain't going near the second one (hull down)!:eek:
Your FJ's at hex 61,12 (near your immobilized Flammpanzer in orchard behind your lines) used their Panzerfaust against my Rangers!!! Instant 43 suppression!:mad:
Imagine my surprise! Watch the replay as proof. So so round, I guess.
Goblin- A Goblin plays bells
I hit that darn Jagdpanther several more times, to no effect. The crew must think they are in church with a giant bell going off. BONG BONG BONG. I killed the lead Panther A along the south road, but ain't going near the second one (hull down)!:eek: Your FJ's at hex 61,12 (near your immobilized Flammpanzer in orchard behind your lines) used their Panzerfaust against my Rangers!!! Instant 43 suppression!:mad:
Imagine my surprise! Watch the replay as proof. So so round, I guess.Goblin- A Goblin plays bells
Didn't get any HEAT for that thing when I bought it, just mostly HE and 6 AP's. Nice shot on the mortar. That one was down to only his MG anyway...guess he bent the mortar tube or something. I'm dumbfounded about the panzerfaust firing at your Rangers. I didn't think it was possible for them to fire at a soft target. In fact, I know they can't fire at soft targets because I tried against one of your airborne units earlier in the game. Weird! (Those Rangers wearing body armor maybe?)Originally posted by Goblin
The HEAT rnd for the 75mm on those halftracks is pretty powerful. I got a Flammpanzer III earlier with my 60mms too. Proof that I am, indeed, aiming them (those that are alive). I killed a Mobelwagon near the villa, plus a SP Mortar on a little hill behind it. They were under armored for the tank duel that I invited them to play in!
Your FJ's at hex 61,12 (near your immobilized Flammpanzer in orchard behind your lines) used their Panzerfaust against my Rangers!!! Instant 43 suppression!:mad:
Goblin- A Goblin plays bells
The crew of that Jag must have gone deaf from the pounding because I can't reach them. But the other Jag (which you seem to have ignored) took out the M10 and the M4 with a shot each.
On the south flank, I see you've managed to take 4 VH's...congrats, but don't get too attached to them...I want them back.
What, me worry?
Couldnt spot that other Jag. Thought for sure I would have got you with op fire with four tanks. If you want those hexes back, take 'em!:mad:
I pulled an M18 out of the trees down south, and BOOM, a Panther opened up on me at 100m!:eek: He missed! A side shot, yes! CRACK with the 76mm. I hit him two or three times, in the side, and cant kill the thing. Fine. Brought up an M10, was missed, hit him again. No dice. I think I forgot the AP rounds! My crews are using HE against you. German spies? Bribe them with booze, broads, and big band, did you?
End it Bernster. Save the few valiant men you have left.
Goblin- A Goblin is peaceful
I pulled an M18 out of the trees down south, and BOOM, a Panther opened up on me at 100m!:eek:
He missed! A side shot, yes! CRACK with the 76mm. I hit him two or three times, in the side, and cant kill the thing. Fine. Brought up an M10, was missed, hit him again. No dice. I think I forgot the AP rounds! My crews are using HE against you. German spies? Bribe them with booze, broads, and big band, did you? End it Bernster. Save the few valiant men you have left.
Goblin- A Goblin is peaceful
Maybe YOU forgot the AP rounds, but my crews didn't. That Hellcat you brought in? Let's see... How would Tweety bird put it? "I thouwt I twaw a puddy tat! I did! I did! <Pulls on helmet, hops into 251/22> BLAM!BLAM!BLAM! KABOOM!! Bad ol puddy tat!"Originally posted by Goblin
Couldnt spot that other Jag. Thought for sure I would have got you with op fire with four tanks. If you want those hexes back, take 'em!:mad:
I pulled an M18 out of the trees down south, and BOOM, a Panther opened up on me at 100m!:eek:
End it Bernster. Save the few valiant men you have left.
Goblin- A Goblin is peaceful
My Panther crew may have a headache from the pounding, but they get to ride, your guys are walking...
Oh, baaaddd mistake with that northern Sherman... Shooting at an FO... Tsk, tsk tsk! You know what happens when you piss off an FO, right? Yep, he diverted every single tube we have, from 81mm mortars right up to Mr. Nebelwurfer himself, to pound that particular piece of real estate. And I think your own FO's noted how you treated one of their union brothers (they have a union, didn't you know?) and I think you may have a little trouble with YOUR arty now...
What, me worry?
I not only killed that tracked FO, I shot the crew. Checked with my Arty boys, and ever since they were itchin' after your treat, they don't seem to be pro union.:p I blasted that southern Panther A, so I hope they have their comfy shoes on. Killed two more MC squads scattered here and there. I blew that Mobelwagon in that north orchard into debris, but can see TWO MORE! Hope that was the Queen. Playing a little counter battery with your Hummel boys, but they don't seem fond of the game!;)
Message from German Regimental HQ: "1st Battalion, come in.... 1st Battalion come in.... Oberst Bernie, come in...."
"SOB. Yes? "
"Report on situation. Have you crushed the Amerikaner?"
""SOB. No. SOB."
"Vhat do you mean, 'no'?!?!"
"WEEP. They are everywhere. I am afraid. Help...." Click.
"Oberst? Oberst?! Hello?"
Goblin- A Goblin carries scissors
Message from German Regimental HQ: "1st Battalion, come in.... 1st Battalion come in.... Oberst Bernie, come in...."
"SOB. Yes? "
"Report on situation. Have you crushed the Amerikaner?"
""SOB. No. SOB."
"Vhat do you mean, 'no'?!?!"
"WEEP. They are everywhere. I am afraid. Help...." Click.
"Oberst? Oberst?! Hello?"
Goblin- A Goblin carries scissors
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Goblin
I not only killed that tracked FO, I shot the crew. Checked with my Arty boys, and ever since they were itchin' after your treat, they don't seem to be pro union.:p I blasted that southern Panther A, so I hope they have their comfy shoes on. Killed two more MC squads scattered here and there. I blew that Mobelwagon in that north orchard into debris, but can see TWO MORE! Hope that was the Queen. Playing a little counter battery with your Hummel boys, but they don't seem fond of the game!;)
Interesting timing you have Goblin... Of course when it started raining 155mm hail my Hummel crews boogied out...and discovered some Rangers trying to sneak up on them. A few rounds of direct fire and the Rangers retreat...right under the next wave of 155mm rain... Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
As for the southern panther...he was down to just an MG after his pounding, but he did serve the purpose of making your Wolverine use up all his shots so that when the Jagdpanther behind him rolled out it was a duck shoot.
The Moebelwagen Queen just delivered some new ones, hope you like 20mm showers.
Oh, a message for you from my tank crews... "Send more Wolverines...they're delicious!"
I not only killed that tracked FO, I shot the crew. Checked with my Arty boys, and ever since they were itchin' after your treat, they don't seem to be pro union.:p I blasted that southern Panther A, so I hope they have their comfy shoes on. Killed two more MC squads scattered here and there. I blew that Mobelwagon in that north orchard into debris, but can see TWO MORE! Hope that was the Queen. Playing a little counter battery with your Hummel boys, but they don't seem fond of the game!;)
Interesting timing you have Goblin... Of course when it started raining 155mm hail my Hummel crews boogied out...and discovered some Rangers trying to sneak up on them. A few rounds of direct fire and the Rangers retreat...right under the next wave of 155mm rain... Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
As for the southern panther...he was down to just an MG after his pounding, but he did serve the purpose of making your Wolverine use up all his shots so that when the Jagdpanther behind him rolled out it was a duck shoot.
The Moebelwagen Queen just delivered some new ones, hope you like 20mm showers.
Oh, a message for you from my tank crews... "Send more Wolverines...they're delicious!"
What, me worry?
Ya, those Panthers are tough nuts to crack.Originally posted by Goblin
I just finished playing 'hail storm' on your Panther in the north orchard. Thats about as effective as it was. BONKBONKBONK. AARRGGH. Didn't do much else.
Goblin- A Goblin bides his time;)
We exchanged a little more arty this turn, yours took out a Hummel with a broken main gun, mine finished off a squad and a crew down on the south road.
I now have definitive proof that my AA crews are legally blind. Pulled up not one but two Moebelwagens on the tail of that Sherman you left out in the open and neither one could hit the darn thing from one hex away... I went back to regimental HQ and tried to have the regimental optomitrist shot, but the firing squad couldn't hit him either, so we put him out in the middle of a field and called in a strike element on a fake American tank 20 hexes away. They nailed the eye doctor with every shot.
What, me worry?
Thats alright, I couldn't get the Sherman to rally!:mad: You get another shot(s). Beautifully placed FJ squad on the back of your north Panther! I hit him with some infantry, setting him up, then crept down behind him with a Wolverine to finish him.... BOOM!!!
Rifle grenade thru the side. Ouch. Very nice though.
I killed a Hummel with bazooka fire, and BONKED one with a 155, don't think I killed it.
Goblin- A Goblin admires good work
Rifle grenade thru the side. Ouch. Very nice though.
I killed a Hummel with bazooka fire, and BONKED one with a 155, don't think I killed it.
Goblin- A Goblin admires good work
Thanks for the ambush compliment, but that sqaud was routed and retreating....I guess your Wolverine just got in their way as they ran to the rear.Originally posted by Goblin
Thats alright, I couldn't get the Sherman to rally!:mad: You get another shot(s). Beautifully placed FJ squad on the back of your north Panther! I hit him with some infantry, setting him up, then crept down behind him with a Wolverine to finish him.... BOOM!!!
Rifle grenade thru the side. Ouch. Very nice though.
I killed a Hummel with bazooka fire, and BONKED one with a 155, don't think I killed it.
Goblin- A Goblin admires good work
Yep, you got a Hummel with that Ranger section, but the 251/2 on overwatch there took care of the Rangers, chased 'em with a line of 81mm softballs until they dispersed. The rear area Hummel you "bonked" just ran across more of your Rangers...and chased 'em halfway back to Montana.
And that Sherman my AA crews couldn't hit? I guess they got the message because they chainsawed it in half with the Flakvier this time.
I talked to one of my MC squads, pointed out to them that the VH's have beergartens in them, so they roared off and took back three of them before one of your sqauds bazooka'd them.
Your last M10 is up the creek without a paddle... He's pinned between a very angry Panther/Moebelwagen group and a swamp filled with recon patrols...any bets on who gets him first?
Methinks - A Goblin is routed
What, me worry?
>Drums roll<
Brrrrum, brrrrum, brrrrum. A mud stained American Paratrooper walks up to the Panther, standing tall and grim. He snaps a smart salute to the German officer standing across from him, sweat rolling down his camouflaged face.
"Oberst, I am Colonel Goblin. We surrender."
The American surrenders his sidearm to his foe.
A small line of paratroopers march by, weaponless, heads hung low.
Ok, I had one armored vehicle left, no guns on it. While I could have caused some more problems for Bernie, I believe it was the time to call it.
My original force was:
*2 AB Companies
*1 Short Ranger Battalion (24 squads rather than 30, no mgs mortars, or bazookas)
*1 platoon of 57mm ATGs per company of airborne
*1 company of M10 Wolverines, minus the Greyhounds
*1 platoon Quad .50 AA guns
*1 FO
*6-60mm mortar squads (came with the airborne)
*1 Btn of 155mm guns
I called reinforcements:
*1 platoon (5) Sherman M4A1(76)W's
*1 platoon (4) M18 Hellcats
*4 Bazooka teams
Again, I am convinced that Bernie would have won this, so I surrendered. The computer recorded.
GER US
Men: 644 519
Arty: 0 3
Soft: 1 0
APCs: 22 0
AFVs: 30 19
No aircraft lost by either
7854 Germany (Decisive victory) 8589 USA (Decisive loss)
Goblin- A Goblin surrenders:(
Brrrrum, brrrrum, brrrrum. A mud stained American Paratrooper walks up to the Panther, standing tall and grim. He snaps a smart salute to the German officer standing across from him, sweat rolling down his camouflaged face.
"Oberst, I am Colonel Goblin. We surrender."
The American surrenders his sidearm to his foe.
A small line of paratroopers march by, weaponless, heads hung low.
Ok, I had one armored vehicle left, no guns on it. While I could have caused some more problems for Bernie, I believe it was the time to call it.
My original force was:
*2 AB Companies
*1 Short Ranger Battalion (24 squads rather than 30, no mgs mortars, or bazookas)
*1 platoon of 57mm ATGs per company of airborne
*1 company of M10 Wolverines, minus the Greyhounds
*1 platoon Quad .50 AA guns
*1 FO
*6-60mm mortar squads (came with the airborne)
*1 Btn of 155mm guns
I called reinforcements:
*1 platoon (5) Sherman M4A1(76)W's
*1 platoon (4) M18 Hellcats
*4 Bazooka teams
Again, I am convinced that Bernie would have won this, so I surrendered. The computer recorded.
GER US
Men: 644 519
Arty: 0 3
Soft: 1 0
APCs: 22 0
AFVs: 30 19
No aircraft lost by either
7854 Germany (Decisive victory) 8589 USA (Decisive loss)
Goblin- A Goblin surrenders:(
too soon
Hi, Goblin I think you gave up too soon. You only needed to run and hide till the battle ended to secure a draw. I don't think Bernie had enough left to find you and the VH would not have made up for all those AFV lost. (1 panther is worth a whole lot of AB) NEVER SURRENDER!!!
I'm not retreating, I'm attacking in a different direction!
"Colonel, I am proud to accept your surrender. Your men fought well, and most bravely.", snapping back a sharp return salute.Originally posted by Goblin
>Drums roll<
Brrrrum, brrrrum, brrrrum. A mud stained American Paratrooper walks up to the Panther, standing tall and grim. He snaps a smart salute to the German officer standing across from him, sweat rolling down his camouflaged face.
"Oberst, I am Colonel Goblin. We surrender."
The American surrenders his sidearm to his foe.
A small line of paratroopers march by, weaponless, heads hung low.
Ok, I had one armored vehicle left, no guns on it. While I could have caused some more problems for Bernie, I believe it was the time to call it.
My original force was:
*2 AB Companies
*1 Short Ranger Battalion (24 squads rather than 30, no mgs mortars, or bazookas)
*1 platoon of 57mm ATGs per company of airborne
*1 company of M10 Wolverines, minus the Greyhounds
*1 platoon Quad .50 AA guns
*1 FO
*6-60mm mortar squads (came with the airborne)
*1 Btn of 155mm guns
I called reinforcements:
*1 platoon (5) Sherman M4A1(76)W's
*1 platoon (4) M18 Hellcats
*4 Bazooka teams
Again, I am convinced that Bernie would have won this, so I surrendered. The computer recorded.
GER US
Men: 644 519
Arty: 0 3
Soft: 1 0
APCs: 22 0
AFVs: 30 19
No aircraft lost by either
7854 Germany (Decisive victory) 8589 USA (Decisive loss)
Goblin- A Goblin surrenders:(
"Now, if you'll all just follow Greta and Helga over there...", pointing to two smiling, buxom wenches holding trays of overflowing beer steins.
"Yes, yes...we borrowed them from the 'Virtual Girl' program over on the D drive just for the party. What are you looking so shocked for? It's a wargame... an excercise... Did you think this was real?"
(Detailed list of starting units coming up)
What, me worry?