English is Easy?

[Toby42]

This is for my UK Friends [8|] I didn't think this up!! And I'm sure that this has been around....If so, I apologise.


You think English is easy???


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented inEngland or French fries inFrance. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither fromGuinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP,meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is itUP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UPtrouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressedUP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stoppedUP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UPabout UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the wordUP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP,you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

[Terminus]

English IS easy. People who think it's hard should try learning Danish.

[Kuokkanen]

ORIGINAL: Treale

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented inEngland or French fries inFrance. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither fromGuinea nor is it a pig.

Yo! Most (if not all) languages have quirks like that: "Kun lakkaa satamasta, käyn hakemassa lakkaa satamasta" [;)]

[cdbeck]

ORIGINAL: Terminus

English IS easy. People who think it's hard should try learning Danish.

You think learning Danish is hard, try finding an interesting Dane! Those people are like bricks! [;)]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding! The danish are actually some of the nicest people in the world. And they know English better than most Americans (as do the Swedes, the Norwegians, and the Icelandic peoples).

[Marc von Martial]

ORIGINAL: Matti Kuokkanen

..... quirks like that: "Kun lakkaa satamasta, käyn hakemassa lakkaa satamasta" [;)]

Sounds like me after a crate of Vodka [:)]

[sabre1]

The nice thing about English is if we don't have a word that works, we will just use that culture's word.  One hundred years from now we will barely recognize it. 

[Hanal]

geez..I was waiting for the "why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway" gag..........

[E]

ORIGINAL: J P Falcon

geez..I was waiting for the "why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway" gag..........

And of course why do drive up ATM's have braille on the keys? etc, etc, etc.
Not to mention it would all open the door for George Carlin's classic seven words you can't say on TV. (you can prick your finger, but you can't... etc)

[HansBolter]

I don't see the difficulty with the words in the list. In every case where a word has two or even three different meanings the meaning in each case can readily be discerned by the context in which it is used.

Are you implying that other languages and cultures are so dumbed down that they just don't understand the concept of context? I think you are doing those other cultures and languages a disservice.

[Grell]

[:)][:)][:)]

[cdbeck]

ORIGINAL: HansBolter

I don't see the difficulty with the words in the list. In every case where a word has two or even three different meanings the meaning in each case can readily be discerned by the context in which it is used.

Are you implying that other languages and cultures are so dumbed down that they just don't understand the concept of context? I think you are doing those other cultures and languages a disservice.

Yes, I believe it was Treale's purpose to assert, indeed, that other cultures are stupid. [8|]

Way to jump the thread straight from silly joke to offensive. [:-]

[HansBolter]

ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort

ORIGINAL: HansBolter

I don't see the difficulty with the words in the list. In every case where a word has two or even three different meanings the meaning in each case can readily be discerned by the context in which it is used.

Are you implying that other languages and cultures are so dumbed down that they just don't understand the concept of context? I think you are doing those other cultures and languages a disservice.

Yes, I believe it was Treale's purpose to assert, indeed, that other cultures are stupid. [8|]

Way to jump the thread straight from silly joke to offensive. [:-]

It would be really nice if just ONCE people would actually grasp parody! [8|]

[JudgeDredd]

To take the fire out the storm, my native tongue is English. We (the British) definitely think our language is the best and other languages are too complex...so I see the irony in the original post...the fact that we can use the same word but mean different things and that has to be assertained by the context with which we say it.

So I see the funneh side [&o]

I also remember some Australian singer (quite a rude person, but his songs are for my ears only...and I find them funneh...can't remember his name)...anyway, he says in one of his songs "There's a place in Australia called Derby...the reason we called it Derby is 'cos that how we F***ing spell it", taking the mick out of the way British people call the town of Derby...they actually say "Darby", but it's spelt Derby  

**EDIT**
The guy is Kevin Bloody Wilson...songs are full of profanity, but he's very funny

[Sarge]

ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort

Yes, I believe it was Treale's purpose to assert, indeed, that other cultures are stupid. [8|]

Way to jump the thread straight from silly joke to offensive. [:-]

At it again Son_of_Montfort……..[8|]

ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort

You think learning Danish is hard, try finding an interesting Dane! Those people are like bricks! [;)]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding! The danish are actually some of the nicest people in the world. And they know English better than most Americans (as do the Swedes, the Norwegians, and the Icelandic peoples).

I wonder what your national language would be if we (dumb Americans) didnt fertalize your backyard with two generations of our finniest ?

Russian, German [&:]

[cdbeck]

ORIGINAL: Sarge

ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort

Yes, I believe it was Treale's purpose to assert, indeed, that other cultures are stupid. [8|]

Way to jump the thread straight from silly joke to offensive. [:-]

At it again Son_of_Montfort……..[8|]

ORIGINAL: Son_of_Montfort

You think learning Danish is hard, try finding an interesting Dane! Those people are like bricks! [;)]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding! The danish are actually some of the nicest people in the world. And they know English better than most Americans (as do the Swedes, the Norwegians, and the Icelandic peoples).

I wonder what your national language would be if we (dumb Americans) didnt fertalize your backyard with two generations of our finniest ?

Russian, German [&:]

I AM AMERICAN and a native born English-speaker, Sarge, but thanks for insulting the French in the mix (I just moved to France, not that it is any of your concern). Like they did nothing during WWI, WWII and it was all the U.S. Of your 2320 posts, I haven't seen one that wasn't antagonizing someone else. And you say that I am "at it again." [8|]

Sorry Hans, the wording above just seemed a bit offended. Remember, you can't read tone in a forum post (or more precisely, you can read any tone into a forum post). So I apologize for taking you more seriously than you meant.

[JudgeDredd]

Oh...ic...I must've missed the post where the poor Americans were being attacked again.
 
Way to go Sarge (again).
 
Why would SoM be suggesting Americans were dumb by what he said?
 
Whilst I'm here, why r u always harping back to the WWII? Get over it m8. Been there fucking done that. You need to drop the big chip on your shoulder m8...seriously [8|]

[HansBolter]

ORIGINAL: JudgeDredd

Oh...ic...I must've missed the post where the poor Americans were being attacked again.

Way to go Sarge (again).

Why would SoM be suggesting Americans were dumb by what he said?

Whilst I'm here, why r u always harping back to the WWII? Get over it m8. Been there fucking done that. You need to drop the big chip on your shoulder m8...seriously [8|]

It's a two way street Judge. There are just as many "Euro-whatevers" on these boards with far huger chips on their shoulders who never miss an oppurtunity to snipe at the detested 800 pound gorilla. The highlighted phrase in the quote must have been something you missed. If the "guys everyone loves to hate" have had their skins grow a little thin, whom do you really think is to blame for that?

[JudgeDredd]

That's bollox Hans (with all due respect [;)]).
 
SoM's highlighted phrase (which Sarge has mastered by the way) is no different to me suggesting that Danish people can speak better English than most UK citizens. If I were to say that, it would not be a slur on the English and it's certainly not suggesting that the English are stupid. It's the big chip on Sarges shoulder that makes him come out with this WWII shit all the time. And I would not expect  one single post from any English people who frequent this forum to jump in and start throwing random WWII comments about regarding who fertilised who's backyard, which, by the way Sarge, is an extremly derogatory sounding term to attribute to the people who fought on all sides (he forgets that bit ALL the time!!...we little people have to keep jabbing him in the butt to remind him) for freedom and from the tyranny that was (note the word was Sarge) Nazi Germany.
 
In fact, on the contrary...I would expect some light hearted comments along the lines of "You got that right m8...especially in Manchester" or some such other comment.
 
He's an antagonistic swine and continuously barges into conversations wherever America is mentioned to defend the great ole US of A. And, by the way, that's regardless of what context is used....he will spin it his way, as he has done here. I'm still convinced the guy works in politics....I've never seen spin like it.
 
The only part he doesn't get is he doesn't have to be it's protector. It does fine on it's own.

[JudgeDredd]

ORIGINAL: HansBolter
It's a two way street Judge. There are just as many "Euro-whatevers" on these boards with far huger chips on their shoulders who never miss an oppurtunity to snipe at the detested 800 pound gorilla. The highlighted phrase in the quote must have been something you missed. If the "guys everyone loves to hate" have had their skins grow a little thin, whom do you really think is to blame for that?

I disagree, for the most part.

I mean, there are Euro whiners here...no doubt about it. But there are very few people (anti-US and anti-euro) on these boards. The ones that are here, on boths sides, make it a pain in the arse for anyone to post anything remotely related to either continent.

It's ridiculous.

Oh...and two wrongs never did make a right.

[Toby42]

Geez Guys, I was just trying to interject a little levity in a post. I'm sure that all languages have their nuances! I'm not anti-european. I just like to rag on people regardless of who they are. I make fun of myself all of the time.

I worked with a lady from Trinidad who spoke "Proper" English and ragged on me about how I murdered the language. But it was all harmless fun. After six years we Americanized her, a little!!!