1/11/42

[Preuss]

In another week of the Great Winter Offensive, the valiant troops of the Red ARmy advance against the Fascists led by the adroit FGM Techex.
Information on FGM Techex, garnered by our spies in Berlin (cooks at the Bulgarian embassy) is now filtering into NKVD HQ. With careful manicuring, an article about him appears in Pravda as well as a photo of him with fangs dripping in blood, and a whip in his hand, beating the working class into submission. It is rumored that he is one of the Prussian Junkers. A captured German soldier, when questioned about FGM Techex replied: "No, he doesn't run an auto-salvage yard on his estates"...I don't get it
Now...on to information from the front...
On the Leningrad front: The advance continues slowly. No Germans have been encountered. Due to a shortage of railway ties, it's not expected for the troops to visit the Hermitage in this year. Comrade Stalin orders that anyone found using railroad ties for firewood shall be frozen, cut into slabs, and made a permanent part of the great Soviet Railway system. Comrade Duibischev, a railway official, when questioned about what will happen in the spring thaw said: "It doesn't matter about then...now is the time for the Soviet citizens to use the most of their ingenuity"
Moscow Front: A 20 mile advance in most areas after savage fighting. It's a long way to Mogilev. Comrade General Vatutin remained at the front to motivate the troops to greater successes. Although his orders could have been sent by wire or courier, there are rumours circulating that he's trying to avoid Uncle Joe.
Orel Front: No advance. A lack of rails has Comrade General Meretskov furious. To maintain his men at the peak of physicalk conditioning, he's having them run an obstacle course...naked..then bobbing for snowballs in a huge tub of vodka.
Kharkov front: Three times the number of rails and ties needed...yet the advance is stymied because Comrade General Tolbukhin had the railway engineers shot last week when they tried to claim they had orders to rebuild the tracks in the Leningrad front sector.
Southern Front: The star of General Malinovskii is on the rise with the capture after continuous fighting just west of Rostov of the German 54th Korps and a smaller Rumanian Korps.
To quote General Malinovskii: "The fighting in this area has been savage. But, with 20,000 men with machine guns...behind your men with machine guns...you can find ways to do amazing feats