6/22/41

[Preuss]

The the peace of the early dawn hours was shattered as thousands of Fascist guns opened fire on the Rodina this morning.
Troops stumbled out of their bivouacs only to find themselves staring down the barrels of German weapons. Comrade Stalin has retired to his dacha to ponder events.
Yes, Generalfeldmarschall von Techex is at it again. But this time, Marshall of the Soviet Union Ivan Gregorovich Preussanovsky is a little older and a little wiser....now on to Pravda news including the latest sports scores from the Gulag sports system.

Pravda Reports:

Leningrad Front: Divisions facing the Finns are making tactical withdrawals to save the city created by Peter the Great...The Finns are aiding in this of course. Marshall Zhukov (who HAS always ridden on my coattails) is rushing to the area to make it Nazi-proof.

Northwest Front: Severely mauled in the opening hours of the Fascist Invasion. It's troops are advancing eastwards. Although there are rumours of treasonous activities, all executions are put on hold.

Western Front: Most of the Front's troops are encircled and beyond reach of communications. With her airfields overrun, her remaining divisions have been attached to Moscow Front under Comrade General Malinovskii. The new Western Front HQ is being established in Smolensk under Comrade General Konev who has vowed to stop the hun before he can see Russia's spiritial capitol. (Note: References to brave, Imperial deeds and spiritual activities of the past are allowed until the present circumstances are rectified)

Southwest Front: Heavy losses have been sustained in this region with a new line being drawn west of Kiev. Citizens of the Ukraine are being urged to enlist in the army by local NKVD authorities. As one can imagine...support for the army is high.

Southern Front: Far luckier than the others...since her troops were stationed out of harm's way...this Front is preparing a wall of stone and steel on which the Fascist waves will break and crumble to dust.

Moscow Front: Five Shock Armies are being raised to pummel the Fascisti into submission.

The Air war: Executions of lax and treasonous officers have inspired the remainder to withdraw the air units eastward for intensive training.

Now, on to sports....

With fifty thousand NKVD troops supervising the Gulag Olympics (despite troop shortages at the front) this years records are proving that under enough duress, any goal can be obtained.

Self-grave digging: Feodor Likachev won the Gold for digging his own grave within Russian standards (2 meters deep, .75 metres wide, and 1.9 metres long) in less than 35 minutes. He was unavailable to comment on his spectacular victory.

Tethered Verticle diving: Andreyevich Tupelov, due to his astounding weight of 150kg took the gold in this event. Most of his competitors were much lighter....none are available to comment on the pitfalls of this challenging event.

And on to everyone's favourite...Russian Roulette: Tense crowds held their breath waiting for five spins of the chamber before Yuri Agrimov won the Gold, dashing his opponent's hopes...and his brains against the nearest wall. One competitor, an Igor Rostankowsky, was disqualified for using a semi-automatic Nagant pistol and robbing the guards of viewing pleasure.

That's it for the Gulag Olympics...tune in next week when the newest event, barbed wire vaulting while being pursued by half-starved dogs, brings in competitors who were physically unable to compete in other events.